Bee's Life

I have been busy

2010-02-04T01:26:00.003+08:00

I have been busy and I was worried for my studies
because I was having some problems...ahem??especially my health,
keep falling sick..zzz
and I hardly to pay full attention on my studies
and some problems
and I hope everything will be settled real soon…

If not,I will be very stressful and
I will not be having enough time to do revision
I really wish I could behave myself and study hard,
not just for my parents but for myself as well,
also I don’t want to disappoint my parents that always put a high hope in me.

My emo feelings is coming back again however
I don't have time being EMO because of the stupid homework,
the god damn notes...
when i reach home it's already 6pm and imagine,
sometimes i need to relax, need to check mails, need to have dinner ,
need to do homework, need to shit, need to take a bath,
need to revise my work and when I'm done, it is already 12 or 1am

that's why i always yawn in the class

Happy New YEar

2010-01-01T23:01:00.000+08:00

i know those of you who have been reading my blog are gonna say
' here she goes again, mourning and mourning all the time'...
I don't want to be like that, but i can't help it

I have been having bad skin these days
WTF is wrong with my back the acnes keep on growing non-stop DAMN!!!

And emm…
I actually wanted to blog about something but
I can’t recall what is it
(after 3 minutes)
darn I still cannot remember what I was planning to blog about
Leave it for tomorrow then maybe

Last and not least

Happy New Year everyone!

Let’s sweap away all the unhappy stuff
All the unhappy memories
And lets incoming all the good ones

Always want to be better, for ourselves
Gambateh people

Miss someone

2009-12-17T23:56:00.000+08:00

For the past few days,
someone from the past keeps coming into my mind
it has been ages since the last time i talk to that someone*
to make life easier for all of us,
We'll call that person K*
but there are so many things that happens around
here that reminds me of K ....and it sucks
because I cant concentrate properly..
its horrible that K keep popping up
and everything around me is like associated to K
which makes me think of it even more~!
and i am complaining because I dowan to think bout K
I hate that feeling
I hate thinkin bout stuff in the past that
I've been tryin to forget its
not that its not good memories but...........
I just wanted to leave it behind!!!!!

"no news is good news"

I feel lonely

2009-12-16T01:39:00.003+08:00

yea,I feel lonely
I’m not sure when did I start having this loneliness feeling
but yesterday when I go to the mall and I see my bro with his gf and my sis with bro in law holding hands together and shopping
I feel envy,
and I started thinking,
why other girls have someone to love and care about them…
and I don’t

I actually do not see any reason for a guy to be with me
Am I pretty? No
Am I nice? No
Am I smart? No
Am I sexy or hot? No
I know most people will say if a guy loves you,
he’s not gonna care how you look like
By the way,
if you see an ugly girl like me, would u go talk to her?
90% no, so looks still play an important role

Maybe I’m lack of confidence ...oh well hunny...
how to be confident if you’re ugly
I always feel people looking down at me
I guess it is me that look down at myself always
Yeah …
I’m useless
I’m gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
I’m pittyful because I have no one to love me
So I’ll go ‘F’ myself now

zzzzz

2009-12-08T02:37:00.000+08:00

I was surfing the internet on Friday night
and suddenly I felt really weak and tired thus i lied down in my bed
and I realized there was something wrong with me
so when i wanted to take pills i threw up and two hours
after i had medicine i threw up again
And the next day, i threw up 3 times,
I was lying in my bed all the time ,
couldn't stand up because once i stood up i would puke,
and after i puked i felt really good it was such a relief wooooo.
However when i started eating or drinking,
I would throw up again after a few hours.
It was like no matter what i drank or ate,
i would puke them all out and that was really suck!

2012

2009-12-01T02:18:00.004+08:00

I had trouble sleeping last night.
Had this massive headache and I think I had a fever.
At that time i was thinking,
omg i'm gonna die...
But at the same time,
i was thinking :
Go immune system! Go white blood cells! Rid me of sickness~!

I don't know if this 'theory' is right or not
but fevers are you're body's mechanism to fight germs.
So actually those micro organisms don't cause fever,
fever is induced by the body.
Everything is back to going well i guess.
And another weekend is coming in 3 days.
Time passes really quick.
=/ It's really scary.

I know it is quite late to post about this,
Coz I'm lazy to blog !
Alright I went to watch 2012 with Jeslyn,Shirley,Bernice,Wan Ni and Clar last week
and gosh we hurt our neck because we were late to purchase tickets
and in the end we had to sit quite in front
and the movie was 2 hours and 40 minutes
we were so tired after the movie.

I won’t give a high rating to this movie as emm....
it was kinda exaggerating especially when Jackson Curtis drove his family all the way to get the plane to China LOL!
and why did they give such a huge mission to China -.-"
well I know the Chinese are rich now so everybody wants to ‘wipe their shoes’,
if you don’t know what I mean ,
what I’m trying to say is the movie is making china looking so strong so powerful that they are able to build such a big ship

What a coincidence Jeslyn and I felt that Sasha (Yuri the fat rich Russian man’s pilot) is very hottt!!!!!

She told me “ when he almost died (but not yet)
i was like don't die you are too good looking to die,
and when he died i was like "there goes the only good looking guy"

There are some funny scenes in the movie like when Jackson wanted to start the car engine but he couldn’t ,
everybody in the car went panic and they were shouting,
so Yuri shouted “Everybody shut up” and he said “Engine start”...
okay "voice activated" and yeah finally they could drive the car everyone in the cinema was laughing

Also when Tamara gave a middle finger_|_ zzzzz (clar was poking me that time)
to Yuri right before the door was closed, we were like 'oh wow that’s hot'

2nd semester

2009-11-26T01:10:00.004+08:00

I just got my timetable for the 2nd semester,
what a MIRACLE?
i don't have classes on Monday,
but i have to study from 9 am-4.30pm on Tuesday to Friday
but nevermind,
at least i have 3 days to rest

*****wait a minute,
i just found that every Thursday i do not have recess at all,
my timetable is like that>>
9am-11am Business Information System and Technology
11am-1pm Fundamental of Accounting(tutorial)
1pm-3pm Fundamental of Accounting(lecturer)
3pm-4pm Macroeconomics
OMG!!!!!
that means in the morning i have to have double meals???

This coming semester i got 3 subjects,
each subject will be having two lecturers a week,
its like today lecturer tomorrow tutorial the next day lecturer and the next
next day tutorial,
Yawn,will be busy soon

okay,after came back from shoppeh,
Maple-ed awhile,until darling went to sleep
then doing some English vocab exercises now
I bought the book 3 years ago *shame*
since 3 years ago I did not touch it at all then I think now it’s the best time for me to brush up my English learn some new words make some improvement instead of laying in the couch watching TV most of the time or sticking my butt on the chair facing the computer surfing for nothing

bloody hell only 20 questions but it seems like I am taking ages to complete them , there are many many words I don’t recognize *cry, for each queation
I’m given 4 answers to choose that’s why I’m so slow.
I might still be doing these until the cock crows tomorrow morning
( I don’t want this to happen) oh my lord give me strength !!!

besides that earlier I was also surfing some colleges info on the net,
i'm confused, i'm really directionless ,
ain’t know what to do ,
I think most probably I’m going to stick with my old college *sigh NO FUN!

I was listening to Patience by Take That
I think most of you have heard of it ,
the lyrics describe what I’m feeling now so well especially this one
I'll try to be strong
Believe me I'm trying to move on
It's complicated but understand me

BLABLALA

2009-11-25T03:06:00.004+08:00

I should be sleeping now but im not because…
hmm I don’t know why,
there are always too much stupid shits on my mind that make me keep on thinking and thinking
Was planning a victorious post for today..
but i guess it wasn't meant to be.
Kinda lazy to blog now..
hahahahh.. will elaborate later.

But anyway, i want to thank my group members
for all the effort that we all put in.
Even though in the end things didn't turn out as well as we wanted it to,
but it's worth it i guess?
I'm trying console all of us. >.<

My life sucks.
hahaha.. i bought a new book last week
and i haven't had the time to start reading it.
I want to buy more books! Someone pls stop me.
My shelf is filling up with books.
Yawn,wasting and wasted moneh~

Going to watch 2012 with a bunch of idiots later =x
*yawn*

YAWN !

2009-11-18T00:10:00.000+08:00

You know what paradise is?
It's a LIE.....
It's merely an ILLUSION....
It does NOT exist...
And never will exist...
There's no such thing as a paradise on earth...
No way this place would exist...
Everyone's dreaming of living in paradise...
Enjoying life to the fullest in paradise..
hassel free...problem free...enjoying mother nature...
no quarrels..no hectic lifestyle..no burden..no hatred..no misunderstandings..
yea, that is what I call paradise....

I feel kinda lucky too, since yesterday (even though i was kinda unlucky)...
I used to think that you were the one
I'm so glad to have known you.
But now,its over
you don't seem to understand me anymore.
Even I could realize that something was wrong, but why not you??
I know that it's not that you don't understand.
you just don't wanna understand the whole situation.
you just can't accept the fact.
you are putting the blame on me,
I know.I'm sorry i had to say this in such a manner.
for you know that I'm feeling really tired already?
I'm sorry if I hurt you badly, but it's not my choice.
I seriously don't wish that our wonderful and precious friendship would end just like that.
Really hope that our friendship will be FOREVER!!!
Sorry i Just cant control my feeling now

You may hate me for this post.
But I just can't stand it anymore.
I NEED to pour it out.
Our point of view maybe different.
But this is how i exactly feel.
I wish i knew what you are thinking!
I still miss you,and I'll always cherish the moments we had,
I hope you won't forget those moments too.
Seriously hope that the memories will live.
Please forgive me for all the wrongs I've done.
I pray that our relationship will never end,come what may....

and...
Facing things that i never expect i would have to face.
never thought that it came that fast.
i tried to solve it but can't.
it seems like it grows in me without knowing it. it's unbelievable!
When i started to accept this faith.
Many objections came to me.
No place for me to run or hide.
i don't know who i should look for.
i know even if i seek for help, i may not get the help i need.
it's too complicated only i can make the decision my own.
i don't know what i'm doing now is right or wrong.
i really don't want to take the wrong step.
it's about my future. i'm so confused! i need guidance,
I need support.
Not anymore stress!
I'm afraid I couldn't take it and I'll give up.
but I really don't want these days to come.

I really can cry out..but cant
went down to living hall watch tv until 6 am
until my dada awake then i str8 go back to my room

Childhood

2009-11-13T20:59:00.000+08:00

I hate the fact that I cant put passwords for my articles in blogspot.....

Nth much happened today,
went to college in the early morning to get the file from my friend for the stupid dumb project.
After that back from college around 12 30,bathe and prepare to go out with another bunch of idiots lol =x
Nth much,they spent their time at arcade,
well you know I hate this kind of place.
What to do,stayed at starbuck and enjoyed vanilla shake alone.bla....

Anyway, i bumped into a childhood friend just now at Sunway
At 1st glance... i dun even remember who he is...
Though I stil dun remember his name now
but omg, he really changed a lot...
Gone is that young shy boy who played with me
in his place now stand a tall, tan color, playboy-ish, stylish guy
and he dun look that shy anymore... and obviously not so innocent looking
I remember him challenging me 2 a game of drinking a year or two back
and gotten drunk himself... fooling around with his dad like 2 big kids

As we grow older, we lost the innocence in us...
Emotionally and psychically
We are not those little kids that play with strangers and runs around happily not caring a thing in the world
Last time, we dun mind rolling in mud, messy hair, dirty hands
now it took us 1hour just to get ready for a day out
and we snapped at whoever that touched our carefully styled hair...
As kid, the most important thing is to play, eat, sleep
Throwing a tantrum whenever we don't get Wat we want
but, imagine a 19 year old stamping his feet throwing a tantrum...
People will think he is crazy
Our biggest worries as a kid is not being able to play with friends,
or not getting 100 in tests
But as an adults, we fear of not being in the "in-geng", we fear being back stabbed, even handing in assignments on time is a problem.....
bottom line, i miss being a kid

Accounting sux

2009-11-13T01:01:00.002+08:00

It took me 9months but i finally realize
That accounting is so not for me....
Why it took me 9months to reach that conclusion when my accounting sucks since the beginning of the year, that is a mystery that I'll never know...
I can not and will never understand accounting
and I give my highest respect to those that excel in
accounting or even had the courage to pursue that course....
To think that,
I once told my mum that i would like to be an accountant when i grew up is unbelievable...
I must be nuts or under hypnotise when I say those words....
No wonder people say that accountants are boring people *no offence*
if i had to face numbers and accounts and journals every single day,
I'll lose all my hair before i reach 30year old....
next time, if I ever had the slightest thought that accounting is fun...
Please knock my head and remind me the evilness of accounting...
and in the future, when I'm looking for jobs
The 1st rules would have to be no accounting involved...
or if I'm taking over dad's company...
I'll give the highest pay in the company to all my accountants... lol~

I'm having my accounting exam tomorrow but canceled...
and I'm here voicing out my hatred for accounting...
no wonder i can never pass my accounting

Life has changed so much

2009-11-12T00:09:00.003+08:00

Hmm .. Life has changed so much ..
Things change.. Maybe for good.. I'm not sure..
I no longer know if my actions are wrong or right ..
Yes as the title suggests, I'm confused ..
I always thought one would know for sure whether their actions are

right or wrong ..
I guess during times like this, you learn and grow up.
At least it is happening now and it is a challenge for me to move on..
Doing the right things or doing the things right?
I wish I could wipe off the good and sweet memories so that I would not

look back and hope that things stay the same..
But it seems like I cannot..
People around me keep telling me things are not the same anymore,
it is best that I just leave it the way it is now,
and most importantly, I'm happy..
I am quite reluctant to leave things the way they are because I don't

want to regret in the future, thinking that I did nothing to mend

things for I could foresee that they will turn ugly..
I could not think of what else I could do or what I have not done to

make things better..
But I really hope that all of us will be truly happy and sincere to

each other again..
I still believe, that one day would come.
I will stay optimistic

Had a conference among Ai Ai,Darling and CP just now.
I dont know why I was like suddenly dont know how to and what to talk
Sorry Ai Ai and darling sighzz

Time Flies

2009-11-10T04:02:00.001+08:00

Done a few sheets of work just now.
It's already 4 in the morning,but I'm still awake
Why?because there are a lot of things running through my mind.
I have no idea what are all those things.
And I know my mind is not working well now.
So please forgive me if there's any typo

Okay,While surfing on facebook just now,
I found back one of my very very old online buddy
and missing from me already for 9 years.
20 minus 9 equals to 11.
Which mean I knew her since I'm age 11.
That time,I used to spend my chatting time with her on ICQ.
Know what is ICQ?lols !
People used to chat on ICQ before MSN.
Alright,then I reformatted my comp
without saving my ICQ num and password that time ._."
Then bla bla bla bla so,lost contact with her.
until today I found her from my friends' friend's cousin on facebook.=/
that's far I know loll.
I am glad that I've found her back,
And she told me that ,after a few weeks I never on ICQ that time
she tried to contact me,but failed.
She seem happy to found me back too,lolz,
actually I don't think so

Alright another thing is,I found another my old ex schoolmate on facebook too.
Chatted with her on facebook until "I don't know the time"
Told her 2 of our best buddies already married and had child.
She was shocked like nobody's business,lol =D

and...alright....The things keep running through my mind are

We always say time flies but I prefer to say 'time shoots'.
When I was young,
I always hope that I would grow old faster and get the freedom an adult gets.
In a blink of an eye, I'm 20 already.
I still remember the first day I stepped into my secondary school.
That feeling was like, "Oh my, how much I've grown.
I have to wear turquoise pinafore from today onwards instead of dark blue's".

After 5 years, on the last day of my schooling days,
I had a great time taking photos and giggling around with my friends.
Looking back at those photos,
I realized that many of my friends have turned into beautiful ladies and have I changed much physically?
I would say no.
Probably gained a little weight but apart from that, not much.
Looking better than last time?
Don't think so. Looking worse than last time?
Don't think so. Okay, at least I think no.
Why? As far as I can remember,
I used to wear baggy (or extremely over sized pants)
and loose t-shirts to tuition centres.
Oh well, I have not match those two together for ages already.
I still love wearing loose t-shirts to sleep though.
(= my all-time favorite pyjamas.

Next was going to college. Yeah you're right,
"Great! I get to wear whatever I want to classes!"
That didn't last long though.
Roughly after two months,
I whined about having repeated outfits to classes.
I remember that I bought a lot of new clothes during the next Chinese new year.
Perhaps more than I should. Sorry mom and dad )=

I was often told that I'm pampered but I just don't want to agree to it back then.
I suppose I have to admit this now.
I miss being pampered at home.
I miss HOME.
Mom makes a house A HOME.
Now that mom is not here with me,
I miss her a lot.

I miss my buddies.

In a blink of an eye, I use MSN already for 9 years

Everything Happens For A Reason?

2009-11-09T01:08:00.006+08:00

Greetings to everyone out there!!
My blog has been DEAD for a freaking long period
due to some personal reasons,
and now.....
IT'S THE TIME TO WAKE IT UP AGAIN~!!
Anyway, it really does feel good to be back here,
blogging again,
like how I used to spend hours and hours blogging back when I was a teenager...
is the day I finally decided that I wana keep a blog ..
Probably cuz I'm feeling down now ..
And feel like pouring out my feelings now ..
Let me see ..
Why do I name this blog as "Everything Happens For A Reason"?
Well .. Basically everything happens for a reason ...Crapzzz
Actually cuz it's something I always hold on to when I face obstacles in life ..
Thanks to my buddy that I realized this principle of life ..
and....
Had been going through lots of stress and pressure lately...

The tide was rough...really rough...

After reading back at my recent posts,
I noticed that I had not mention a single thing about my exams.
I guess I have been trying to avoid talking about it.
Coz I skipped the exams ._."
coz of .....

I've been sick for few days.A week maybe?
I've recovered about 60%.
No more fever and body ache.
But terrible cough and mild headache.
(Dont want to mention about it)

I guess that's all for my first post ..
Hope there will be many posts from now on ..
^^ let's see if I can be THAT consistent ..

not everything is quantitative.
at least pain is one of it
the unmeasurable pain that really make me ache deep in the heart.

A quote to remember

2009-11-02T23:52:00.000+08:00

'Loves the heart that hurts you, Never hurts the hearts that loves you'

Then first time I read this quote is about a month ago.
I feel it's a very meaningful phrase.
Though, seldom people can do in their daily life.
Even myself, I tend to hurt the hearts that love me more than I loving them.
Not in purpose of course!
I don't know what is the best way to show my love,
my concern and my care to whom I want to show.
Often what I got in reply will be the negative ones.
I don't know what I should do anymore.
Totally blank!!

Sometimes I really wish I can be like other people..
being very carefree, ignore others thinking and comments..
as long as im happy with what Im doing.. everything is ok..

Dear Derrick and his friends,
if you re readding this post
Doesn't mean I'm puttin attention or what so ever
I'm not an attention seeker or what....
I will feel better if I rant out on my blog....
and I can not dont let u view my blog
coz we are still friend

Thanks =)

....

2009-10-23T03:10:00.000+08:00

but why do my tears still roll down my cheek
when everybody else is sweetly sleeping soundly
in their cosy beds in the midnight?
feeling alone, no one to pour my heart to...

well,i'm not acting pathetic
i'm just really upset
I just want get out from this FARKING PLACE !
U know i hate this place very much
i donwant spend my time at the hospital
since i sick,what to do...
No one can cheer me up ,except Shirley
she is free to accompany n share my problems

Just now...since my hp ran out of credit,
I called Tim with my mum's hp to help me to reload my hp,
i know this is crazy,finding Reload card at this late night
well,i really need someone to talk to....
Called my maple jie,amanda
but she never pick up,sigh.. is okay
tried called shirley..
she picked up....
i cried non stop on the phone
lazy to elaborate anymore

Ps note to my 3rd sis,Amanda:-
if you're reading this
please dont tell mum
i donwant to show off my real feeling to her
i cried secretly in the midnite
thanks...hope u can keep it

life?huh life?

2009-10-18T00:06:00.000+08:00

Life is funny like that,
one minute u are happy the next u are not.
How unstable, how fickle, how predictable.
I hope I will be as busy as possible when school starts again.
Still Long Way to go =.="

In life, everyday and every experience is unique,
but nobody is happy all the time.
Most of us go through life as much money and property as we can,
more often afraid to open the door and answer pleas from people close to us,
usually walking away from those in need.
Turning a deaf ear to those who try to speak,
n a blind eye to those who try to make us see.
Have u ever thought to urself,
what is actually the measure of life?
When all is said and done, is it how long?
Is it how much?
Or is it who you meet along the way?
Can u recall,when the happiest moment of ur life was?

If only I could know what was wrong.I waited helplessly, thinking & worrying about you because of a dead reply.But do you think that it was all so simple?Maybe just to you, we aren't talking like how we used to be.What I want is just a message/call.If the simplest thing you can't do it for me, I really don't know what is the toughest.And if this considers to be the toughest for you, don't bother reading into it.I care more about how you feel than what I think.But will you let me know?

'Loves the heart that hurts you, Never hurts the hearts that loves you'

2009-10-17T23:52:00.000+08:00

I'm suppose to be on the bed now..
Yup,it's morning now...
and yes..Im suppose to sleep..why? tired..
cos I slept at 5am yesterday and woke yup at 8am..
so damn tired but then..
mind full of things to think till I feel I need a break
I know i need more rest,but I couldn't sleep
The thing kept pop out on my mind....
I dont understand,why its end so sudden...
Just now I cried very badly,kept make a crying baby noises non stop =.=
I really want talk to him,but I'm afraid
I'm really afraid,I dont know how to face him...
I'm not really sad of that thing actually..
Since he dunwan to patch,I think I will let him go
But its hard for me now,
I really wish all things will back to previous 1
But,I still really want to be with him,
I still like him as my close friend(really?)*
I miss our jokes,dirty jokes and the happiness? huh?
If we be normal friends,I think we will hardly to share a stupid lame jokes
n very hard to share a stupid problem with each other
Get what i mean?
Someone said I had fallen to him...actually errr no?yes?no idea~!
I love the things to stay well always? errr,I dunno how to say it
Please give me 1 more chance,
I promise I will cherish u more this time
I will learn to understand you more
I'm Sorry,I'm really sorry
I know you will feel fed up with this
but I really cant let you go just like that

Actually I'm sad of my health,just got back my report just now
ITs started to like spread again,sigh...
Yea Yea,its a bad news actually,
this is what I'm worried of it
Sorry,I dont want to mention it anymore..
Please dont ask me about this also...
That's is why,whenever I saw a smoker,i will be like T_T help

I'm worry of my health too much,
plus see-ing him keep emo like that
yet he dont want share his problem with me
somemore give me cool respone..
sure I will more sad n luan luan think
Like,I will kept thinking izzit...
am I annoying for him?
am I fan for him?
am I disturbing him always?
Well...
It's all over,I cant turn it back anymore
I wish life is just like a U turn,
whenever we went wrong way
we still can turn back

Who do you call friends?

2009-09-03T15:38:00.000+08:00

How sad will it be if one day when you're curling up in a corner crying . and you grab your phone to call your friend . and you realized that even though you hav 200 over contact numbers in your phone . there is not even one person on the list that you can call .

we are so obsessed with gaining more and more friends that the term friend has lost its real meaning . with friends its all about the quantity not quality .
but the truth is friends are never about numbers.. friendship can never be about numbers!
you can not measure your frienship based on a scale of 1-10 nor can you evaluate your social circle based on a 100% score .

friends are never about the number of contacts on your msn or phone .
it is never about how you keep on sending the wrong msg to the wrong person because too many sms-es are coming in at the same time .
it is not about how cool is it to have lunch with a huge bunch of people .
it is not about how many replies you have on your facebook

it is about having someone you can share your deepest secrets to without feeling the need to hide .
it is about having someone grabbing you by your shoulder and telling you the truth when you've been running away from it .
when you are sitting together gazing at the stars and suddenly you found youself blurting out every single details that has been burdening you . and they listened without interrupting . that is what you call a friend .

if you've come to the point in your life where you are starting to questioned the true-ness of those so called friends in your life... maybe it's time for you to evaluate your friendship with those around you~

i'm not good at remembering conversations but i can remember this conversation very well because it's like a slap to my face...

Z : you feel very proud when your phone couldnt stop ringing all day . when people keep on sms-ing you . but if one day you're on the verge of breaking down, out of all this people... who would you call?
C : probably no one
Z : exactly!

blabla..

2009-08-26T00:36:00.001+08:00

Had an operation on my cheek just now.
Sigh,dont want to mention about it

I've so so much assignments piling up
and tests are just around the corner that I should actually be writing my PSM report instead .. >.<

Speaking of PSM, it actually stands for Projek Sarjana Muda for final-year students. We are required to do a project from our majoring course
and my title is Collision Detection.

It's something like I need to make a program,
with lots of calculation which I'm never good at,
to detect collision between two avatars..
erm in much simpler words, like I need to make sure two characters in a computer animation/games,
stop when they bump into each other and not walk through each other!
The whole thing involves 3D animation, graphics and calculation.
Sounds "pro-feh" but I'm doubting myself :(

Happy Birthday !

2009-08-21T22:42:00.004+08:00

Yay I was officially 20 on 21st August! .. it's tough turning 20 though :(

For me, 20 going to 21 is leaping a huge stone.
It's like when you're 21,
people still thinks that you are sweet and innocent and had just entered the world of adults .
Like, forever 21, you know?
But then at the sound of 21,
people assumed that you're already matured and should behave like a LADY instead of a cute and bubbly GIRL.
True?

And and and..
I do realised the painful truth that as we aged, it will show.
Can't hide or prevent it.
Believe it or not, this birthday,
I looked at the mirror and find myself looking slightly different.
Like the youth isn't there anymore.
Looking.. like zzzZ"
Okay, maybe I'm freaking out.

My Lonely Birthday,sad of myself

.
.
.
.

My another big cake,thanks friends =D

Lonely....

2009-08-19T15:33:00.000+08:00

i used to hate watching movie alone
because i feel pathetic telling the person at the counter "ticket for one please"
i feel somehow tiny walking into the cinema alone
i feel lonely seating alone in the cinema *well, not alone alone... but friendless alone*
i feel even more lonely when i see people around me discussing the movie with their friends and laughing together . guessing the plot together . sharing popcorn
i refused to step into the cinema alone no matter how how good the movie is or how much i've been longing to watch it

but i realized that; there is absolutely nothing pathetic about watching movie alone
i get to spend some quality time with me . myself and i
enjoy the peacefulness that i cant get anywhere else
get some thinking done . quiet time to think things over
and come out of the cinema with a more organized me!

Sigh,needa go for a small surgery on this coming monday
no scar ! SCAR ! no scar on my face !

"GOD sometimes delays His help to test our faith and energize our prayers; our boat may be tossed by the waves while He sleeps; but He still wakes up before it sinks"

STUDY HARD PLEASE !

2009-08-18T00:03:00.000+08:00

*Knock Myself*

Bee Please study lah

and stop wasting your

time !

I'm feeling tired

2009-08-16T23:50:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling tired.

Just need a release from this mundane life

yeahh..Im still alive and kicking..
not dead yet I would say from the consequences of eating bread for few days.

not that I been anywhere either way.
I just feel lazy to blog this past few weeks.
maybe consume too much bread make me so energyless to do anything other than hibernating

Nite,gg to bed

YAWN~

2009-07-31T12:00:00.001+08:00

Just feel like blogging now so ..
let me write some boring stuffs alright? d;
Got up near to 11 this morning and I know pretty late considering that I slept at 1 last night..
I set my alarm at 9.15am but before my alarm rang,
I was awaken by another alarm clock...
My neighbour's alarm clock..
Oh zzzz,Why is the wall so thin?
Probably it is hollow though it seems to me it is made of bricks..
Last night when I was trying to sleep,
the other neighbour played his songs so loud as if he is deaf or something
When my alarm finally rang at 9.15am,
I put it off and told myself to sleep for another 30 minutes but as usual that would never happen..
The next time I glanced at the time it was already 11am! )'::::
Alright I better get ready for class.
Lecture at 2pm and have not printed my notes!

generation gaps

2009-07-29T13:29:00.002+08:00

I fell sick again.cough,flu and fever.H1N1?maybe =/ no!
and i was reading some of my juniors' blog and i realized i'm old!!
generation gaps do exist! *gasps*
what's with all the spelling.....
eg. muvee, paz, acc, biosexual, mie, sorie...
gosh! it doesnt even make sense anymore...
i have to read a few times sometimes before i get them...
i know my eng is not perfect but mie and me??? i thought all those weird spelling is for convenience sake! you know when the words are too long, you shorten it.. you dont "lengthen" the words to sound cute... cuz its not...
i'm old i'm old...
and all of them are with boyfriends!!
seriously! 16 years old talking about i love you forever.... and happy xx anniversary..
now, i really feel old...
because when i'm 16 and my friends had boyfriends, it felt really normal..
now, i just wanna click my tongue and shake my head...

and people that i hate last time....
well, i still hate them now..
so i guess some things never change...

on a lighter note, one down four to go and den its penang baby!!!

"life goes on even without you noticing"

Rest In peace aunt

2009-07-21T23:46:00.003+08:00

Was busy with my assignments,and
I was told by my parents 2 days ago about
My aunt,my father's sister or Ying Hua's Mum,
suddenly fainted at home,then couldn't wake up in 2 days.
Then passed away at 5 pm just now.
I couldn't believe she is gone just like that.
Maybe coz the sick from her breast cancer last time.
haiz,i have no mood to write anything now
overoall,we should apreciate the people around us
especially our parents,family and friends.

Rest In peace
<3 my beloved auntie.

What am i doing?

2009-07-18T01:42:00.002+08:00

Just when i wanted to pat myself in the back for doing great
I caught myself doing something that is so not parallel with doing great
,old habit dies hard i guess
I am supposed to hav recover from it.
but why is my heart telling me otherwise?
Its playin with me,
toying with my thoughts,making me lose focus
givin me this weird feeling inside my heart,
its like it has been there all along ,never gone,never got rid of it,just hidden.
it amazes me how our mind works
and it scares me at the same time
Because when the mind and heart walks hand in hand.
it almost seem uncontrollable.

At least I know there will be one thing in this world that can cheer me up when everythin else fail

p.s my blog use to be a place where i can express myself freely but thats not the case anymore.
I find myself staring at the screen,typing and deleting and again and again.

BLa Bla Back Shit,many many moos
Yes sir Yes Sir tree beg fools.
I still miss the old one.HIM !! HIM !!!! HE?

2009-07-18T00:09:00.000+08:00

recently..
im really tired of facing all the stuff that happening on me..
really wish to have someone to be there for me..
someone i can rely on..
someone that i can share all my problems..
someone to gimme a shoulder to cry on..
and make me smile again...
someone that knows how fragile m i..though i always pretend to be tough..

gosh..im really wish to have someone here to depend on..
it doesnt mean i wanna dependent...
im just exhausted and really need a break..

and...
The big exam is over 2 months ago.
I doubt I will pass.
But I really hope a pass at least 2 or 1 Subjects.
I need to go in ACCA or Degree !
Thinking about this...
I started to worried about my future
If i failed my Exam,
i think i will retake it on November
for the time,i think i will go find a part time job or whatever job
to gain experience and learn some new things
coz i never go out work before =.=
SIgh, it's been 2 years...
Exactly 2 years.. When my life reach the turning point.
I can safely say that I am a different person now...
No doubt I became very negative...
No doubt I hated my life.
No doubt I feel empty.
I became very... emotional....
To the extent that I emo nearly every night before I hit the sack.
I know I should be glad of my life..
coz I have a nice parents which they sayang me very much
they will try their best to get everything that I wished for
but I dont know how to appreciate them
I feel myself r so useless

Okay, I was talking to Li Ting and were whining
that we're going to turn 20, after our birthday
20. No more teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeens.
No longer a teenager.
More responsibilities.
It's so not fun growing up.
Now I understand why people do not want to grow up.
I don't wanna grow up anymore.
It's totally emotional drainer for me.
Yea, I am not a happy person generally.
OK fine I was.
But I still like to make people laugh! really?=.=
I live in a shade of grey.
Dark grey.
I really need to get myself out before I got sucked into black.
That should be all for now.
I need my precious sleep desperately

Rip Micheal Jackson.

2009-06-27T01:19:00.006+08:00

It was kinda unbelievable when I heard about the death of Michael Jackson this morning
May He rest in peace
Tomorrow is convocation day
And I’m feeling so nervous and excited at the same time.
Today went to my old college for a short briefing about how to wear the gown
( I need someone to give me a hand tomorrow) ,
where we will be seated ,
The way to walk up to the stage as well as to collect our gowns in the end of the briefing

I remembered that I've taken photo with MJ's wax figure at Wax Museum at Madame Tussaud's in Hong Kong and Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco before.

._."

Stupid blog

2009-06-22T02:19:00.002+08:00

I know this blog is dying really slowly
I dunno what's got into me.
Maybe because I am too lonely or too busy or something.
What I practically do everyday is, go to school home sleep eat assignments.
And these days... I am very de-motivated.
My grades are appalling.
Really horrible.
Now I am working on the studies.
Tomorrow,I shall start anew!
I really regretted I didn't even study for the recent test and failed my Accounting with a lousy grade =(
I was so ashamed of myself.
Btw,blogs are meant for complaining and rant right?
*yawn* gg to bed

Last Sem

2009-06-12T00:38:00.005+08:00

Yes I'm still alive.
Did I say college life is relaxing?
I was away and MIA coz that time is last sem is coming to an end.
it is so not true maybe.
Always hang out with friends somemore.
In 2 months ago..
I have like 8 assignments to rush and all the deadlines are so near each other
That is why I have no time to online.
And...
It has been an emotional roller coaster for me.
It has been tough, but I got through it.
During this whole heart breaking processes,
I learned more about myself.
Somewhat, this question have been ringing in my head for days recently.
"Why you wanna do this(eg. courses)?"

There are many things that I wanna write but cant.
There are stuff i wanna express but cant.
there are times when I wanna write but cant.
There are conversations I wanna jot down but cant.
There are places I wanna go but cant.
there are targets I wanna achieve but cant.
there are people I wanna forget but cant.
There are words I wanna block out but cant.
there are memories I wanna engrave but cant.
There are past I wanna forget but cant.
there are dreams I wanna fulfilled but cant.

I remember this photo taken when I'm russhing my assignment.
One laptop is for Youtube ?entertainment maybe ._."
One another lap top for my stupid assignments. =/
Desktop?let it rotting

Yawn,I think I should continue study a little bit thing.See ya !

Happy EArly Mother's day

2009-05-08T02:53:00.003+08:00

Dedication for Mum,
Mum, thanks for bringing me here.
Though when I'm growing up, life is getting tougher and tougher for me.
But you are always there for me.
Hold me when i'm falling.
Heal my wounds.
Show me to the correct direction.
Comfort me with your love and concerns.
I really appreciate it mum.
Eventhough, sometimes our thinking do contradict.
We do argue and quarrel sometimes.
But everything will be off the next moment.

When I was a kid, I always sick.
You are the one who always took care of me.
Accompanied me to wait for the bus to school.
When I'm afraid, you will tell me "Don't be afraid, everything will be fine"..
I love the way you care for me..
Everytime you kiss me to wake me, tickle me when we're naughty.
Mum, you're my special ones. My sister. My best friend.

I tears while writting this
coz I miss you mum
I love you Mum!

Stupid Friends

2009-04-30T00:42:00.002+08:00

Today,Jia Bao and others came to visit me while I was sleeping.
We joke-d all the day,and laughed non stop.
Made me laugh until like no tomorrow.
Until the nurse come and see wat is happening ._."
Sick already,still can joke like a mad girl ._."
Well,I love to act stupid always ._."
I dont know why they love to laugh at me.
Thanks Jia bao and Lee Sin cheered me up =)
Yawn,Time to sleep

Fell down

2009-04-28T21:12:00.006+08:00

Today I fell down from the bed =D
Biba Buntut Buduh Bengkok Big Boobs Bad Buttock Bee finally fell down =D
Took the photo for fun since I have nothing to do

My arm...

My leg also kena ._.

The hardest word,I'm regret for not telling him earlier

2009-04-06T00:14:00.000+08:00

If u say sorry is the hardest word..
Den goodbye must be the second hardest word
Because it is like the end
And hello must be the happiest word
Because it marks a new beginning
In our life,
there will be more than thousand and thousand of people that we’ll meet
But how many will stay?
We can have many many friends
. many msn friends . many mates . many acquaintances .
But how many are there that we can really call true friends
How many person that you can call when you are at the lowest point of your life
if one day you realized that you’ve missed the chance of saying the last goodbye
to someone important in you lifewill that be your biggest regret?
Or you rather not say goodbye
Because in a way, not saying it right out makes the separation more bearable
If one day you missed the chance of saying hello to someone
will you turn back and start again
because you are afraid that if you don’t say hello
you might have just miss the chance of having another true friend in your life

do not dwell over goodbyes . look forward to saying hello again

its just a gut feeling la
learn to get over it
Stupid bee

Can I forget him as soon as possible?

!!!!!!!

2009-04-05T01:15:00.000+08:00

I cried after read someone's blog
I cried non stop,
Why?I dont know..
Maybe just miss "someone"
Why I'm being so stupid
Why I cant get over this thing.
Why I still couldn't forget "this" thing.
Why I still afraid to tell "someone" that thing.
Now it is too late to tell "someone" that thing.
Sigh,why "someone" are so happy with each other...
Well,I do not wish to stay at home for now...
I really wish to get out from home for now...
Sigh,,,,,,,,,

The Someone is
D
E
R

My Emo wish came true

2009-03-30T02:13:00.001+08:00

I asked Li Ting go to Queensbay last week
But she rejected and said she is busy
Sigh alright,then I decided want to go there alone
Suddenly Li Ting Changed her mind yesterday,
said she wanted to follow me go to Queensbays today.
I was like huh?
I want go there to emo alone,but suddenly said you wan coem along
No way then !So I told her,we go next time then.
Alright,I went to Queensbay alone today,
I cheated my mum,said I wan go there to find my God sister
So then she let me go,
Took Ferry and bus Alone
Arrived at Queensbay,Shopped,
Shopped at Korean food festival section,shop for drinks
suddenly saw sth like sooooo familiar
MAPLE STORY APPLE JUICE ! O_O?
WAH!!!was so excited to see this Maple Apple juice
=/ not cheap though,RM 6.90 for only 230 ml of juice ! RAWR !
Nvm,juz buy it,Happy Jiu Hao,hahas

Then went to Padini Concept Store,
Where is my Favourite Clothes store =D
Bought 1 top only for RM 13 O_O"
Lol Lelong punya la =x

Then Shopped around,
Stop at Kim Gary Hong Kong to fill up my Stomach.
Ordered a Lunch set,sigh,the rice are too Cheesy,
until made kennot finish up the rice
Just ate half,then paid the bill

Then continue shop again,
Spent nearly 1 hour at Borders Book Store <3
My favourite book store =D

Alright,then shop around until I tired,
walk out to bus stop waited for 307 punya bus
bus arrived,dropped at Jetty
Took Jetty "GTG" home, lol !
that's all

The Cheesy Rice which made me almost Puke

The MapleStory Apple Juice

By Nexon o.o

RAWR ! What is this? WildBoar! o.o

HopeLess

2009-03-21T01:39:00.000+08:00

I feel like I'm hopeless day by day
I feel like I'm just a useless girl
Theres nowhere I can hide
I dont know where I can hide
I dont know how to happy
I dont know how to speak up about my feeling
i dont know where to pour out my feeling
I dont understand what I want now
I dont understand what I wish for
I dont understand about my feeling now
Thought will feel better after I came back from Hong Kong
But after a few days,the feeling came back again.
I should stay in Hong Kong longer,
but the food are expensive than here 3 times =.="?
how to survive =.=?
I know I should be glad of my life
Coz I got everything that I wish-ed for

....

2009-01-01T01:10:00.000+08:00

o8 year was full of ups and downs.
i've done terrible stuff and made
decisions that are totally not sensible.
moving on, i hope 09 will be a good year for me.

waves to o8 and say hello to 2009!

i wonder what i will be doing for 2009
ill be 20 in 8mths time, by then,
i will stay as a
innocent girl,heh.

i really cant believe that its the last day of 2008
and only have a few more hours left,
have i spend my 2008 properly?
i dont think so..

im rather afraid 2009's approach cos i have no idea
where i will lead to.
nervous!